Run, Walk, Hope 2012 : personal

Is it mid-September already? Wait! September is almost over?!

We're in the midst of an incredible fall season here in Minneapolis, which means quite a few things. I can FINALLY wear my favorite boot-dolman sleeve-scarf-skinny jean-top knot-sunglasses combo every.single.day. I can say "see ya next summer" to my daily iced soy latte and say "helloooo love" to the hot version at my favorite coffee shop. Their latte art makes me smile. And really, smiling's my favorite.

Another tidbit about my favorite season? Big changes are coming. I know you're anxious to find out what this means and I'm bubbling over with excitement to share. But Mama always said "patience is a virtue" and this time, it's even more true. It's coming, friends. Buckle up!

Something that rings constant in September is the annual Celebration of Hope Gala for the Liz Logelin Foundation. I first blogged about this amazing non-profit last year HERE. To this day, this blog post remains the highest viewed post on my site. I am so blessed by this and hope it's done it's part to spread the love.

The Liz Logelin Foundation gives hope to widows and widowers with young families and if you spend any length of time reading their Facebook page or stories on the website, you will be changed. I promise.

This year, I've become even more involved in this organization and helped to plan the 5K race in June alongside executive director Lindsay Lewis, one of my favorite people on the planet. After a whirlwind spring, this event came up quickly and in a blink of an eye, it was over. But not without tugging at my heart strings and the hearts of so many others. Not to mention helping a lot of families who needed to be reminded they were not alone in their experience.

This week, I've been running around non-stop for the gala and I honestly wish there were more hours in the day to do even more work and help even more. Helping to compile quotes from our recipients and photos they've sent of their smiling faces, with quotes from our supporters and the reasons why they give, my heart is so full. 

This week, there's no place I'd rather be than surrounded by piles of gift baskets and donations by amazing companies and businesses, working on powerpoints and donation websites and putting together programs and assembling frames. Because I'm surrounded by a handful, a dozen, even more people who are all committed to the same thing: giving hope.

You can still get a ticket to attend. Please come and bid on amazing items, listen to heart-filling stories, drink and eat and be changed for the better. I'll be there with my camera and you'll be there with your awesomeness. We'd love to see you! And Matt promises to take a photo with you. He doesn't know it yet, but he will. He's just that cool.

 

 

 

xoxo,

syd.

sydnee@sydneebickett.com

612.293.9096

these days : personal

There are big great awesome fabulous things ahead in the next month over in this part of the Internet. Things including photos you've never seen, stories you haven't heard yet and honesty with integrity. And the best part? Everything will be wrapped up in this cute little package I can't wait to share.

But before all that goodness, it's time for things to get real, folks.

Here's where that honesty part comes in.

Life, sometimes, is hard.

Shocking concept, I know. And this is not a moment of complaining or negativity or any of that. It's a moment, a series of moments, when God literally knocked me to my knees because things had been going so well (yay!), that I sort of forgot to thank the giver of the goodness.

This moment came when I picked up a brand new member of my Apple family (Hi Sheila!), only to go back to the car to bring her home and the ignition on my twelve year-old car was locked up. Or something. I've never claimed to be a mechanic but I'm really good at describing all things car-related. Sort of. Regardless, it didn't start and I was stranded. On one of those really hot days. Mmmhm. I love heat!

But then this funny thing happened when everything that was going wrong suddenly started to reveal a silver lining, piece by piece. I called my Mom, because what else do you do when things go wrong? She worked close by, so she gave me a ride home. I called my mechanic and they got the key in the ignition again. I needed a car and Dad said to use his. I had friends sending up prayers on my behalf at the drop of a text. And then there's Sheila, who came with a promise to make work a lot easier and more accessible.

And at the end of the day, I learned to let go and let God. His plan is so much bigger and grander and more awesome than anything I could ever dream to put together. Even with the help of Sheila,  my Russel & Hazel stationary set and Pinterest, I could never style anything this cool. Just when our trust in Him starts to wane and wander, He's right there to remind us to just keep on keepin' on.

Hats off to God, to his awesome plan and to the fact that at the end of the day, we're just really blessed.

xoxo,
syd.
sydnee@sydneebickett.com
612.293.9096

source: southern charm

Viva Las Desert : personal

You might remember my incredibly awesome jumping in the desert image from two months ago. If you don't, you can see it here: nevada 2012

I traveled to Nevada in early May to rediscover the reasons why I was about to quit my full-time job approximately two weeks later. Plain and simple. I had been questioning this decision quite a bit and luckily, I had this trip scheduled to see Maria. Well, it wasn't luck actually. It was probably one of the biggest blessings of my life.

Maria and I met in 2009 when I was just a kid who'd never really been away from home, was playing school for the last 17 years and didn't have much real life experience. It was at the Maine Workshops, under the beautiful and fabulous direction of Cig Harvey, that all of that changed. For the better. Maria took me under her wing. Maybe it was my dimples that convinced her or maybe it was the deer-in-the-headlights look that was often stuck on my face. I'm not really sure. But I thank God that she did. I went from a kid with a big dream to a girl with a plan that week [more on this soon!].

Flash forward three years and I'm about to make the biggest decision of my life. And I'm scared. I'm nervous. I'm questioning EVERYTHING. I feel like a lone person in a huge vast desert without a clue.

So I hop on a plane and go to the actual desert. To the home of this woman who knew me way back when and has served as more than a mentor to me. She's one of my dearest friends. She's my advocate as much as I am hers. She keeps me accountable to doing the work I've set out to do. She challenges me and makes me think. She's pretty much amazing :)

So we adventured. We sat by the pool and worked on our tans [I believe whole-heartedly that I was starting to develop that hopeless feeling that comes when there isn't sunshine for days... and thankfully, I was cured by the ever-present, ever-HOT Nevada sunshine]. We ate so many fresh fruits and vegetables. We spent hours gazing at Cig's first book. We took the girls, Mesa and Una, on daily walks. We told each other how awesome we looked in bathing suits. We sat by Lake Mead and ate trail mix. We ran early in the morning. And we took photos. Lots of photos.

I left Nevada with everything I had hoped to leave with and more. I left with a heart so full it felt like it was bursting with ideas and creativity and hope and love. Love for my family that I missed dearly, hope for this step I was about to take and really, nothing else mattered. I was stepping into an unknown place but with the knowledge that there were dozens upon dozens of people in my life just like Maria who were rooting me on. Team Syd all the way! T-shirts will be available soon ;)

I might never be able to repay this woman for teaching me and guiding me in an unspoken way that week. But I did promise to come visit again soon. The desert is constantly calling my name...

ps. A big huge thank you to Meg for meeting me and introducing me to the sinfully good Lollicup. I've been dreaming about it ever since! See you at WPPI in March, friend! Keep trusting the process and stay in touch :)

xoxo,
syd.
sydnee@sydneebickett.com
612.293.9096

Marissa : Minneapolis Lifestyle Photography

Two years ago, she gave me a sketchbook. "For all those big ideas you have," she said. Inside, she wrote: "never be afraid of a little rain."

Marissa and I met way back in 2007 at a little coffee shop in St. Paul when we were just kids in college. We worked the night shift, always. I met her and literally two days later, invited her to my 22nd birthday party. She was the cool kid on the block that you secretly hoped would think you were cool too. That was four years ago and we've been best friends ever since. And I thank God every day she still thinks I'm cool.

Sometimes I think about that little job and how by the end of it, we had it down to a science. Close up in five minutes flat? Of course. We'd grab a drink or even more coffee after. Study together and be so deliriously exhausted, you start making faces with latte foam. We were literally just kids. We had the world in front of us and were about to take it by storm. Together.

Always a willing model for my photo coursework, Mo Money became a celebrity around the MCTC Photography department. So much so that my teacher actually told me to stop photographing her. "She's gorgeous and hilarious but you've gotta branch out!" So I photographed her custom Nikes instead. And her cat. And her roommates. And her house. That's the thing about Marissa; she emulates this spirit that just makes you want to constantly be around her. Maybe it's her wit and charm and how she can break out into a perfect Beyonce dance impression at the drop of a single beat. Her confidence exudes out of that side braid like nobody's business. And those eyes? Are you kidding me?!

But then time and life happens and sometimes, you don't see each other for a week. Or two. Or ten. You make plans and have to cancel. But you know that when you pick up the phone and dial speed dial #3, she'll be there to pick up at the other end. And you apologize for being a jerk and winning the worst friend ever award and she says, "ain't no thing. we coo, girl."

We've adventured both Twin Cities, worked at the coffee shop and the gift shop, moved her from apartment to apartment, ice skated on NYE together (okay that was just once...), volunteered together, sang in the church choir together, shopped together, nannied together, worked out together, trained together and drank probably a bajillion cups of coffee together. Marissa's my girl. And I couldn't be more proud of her and how she's making things happen.

She's finally making her debut on this little blog in a post that should be called "Marissa & Syd Adventure Day: Do Not Bail" or "The Time We Played in the Rain and She Turned the Camera on Me." It's only fair, right? I mean, she has endless options for Facebook profile pics from here to the end of eternity.

xoxo,
syd.
sydnee@sydneebickett.com

an update: personal

I know what you're thinking: all she ever does now is post personal blogs. Isn't that what a tumblr is for? 


You're right. Sort of. 


But ever since revealing my BIG HUGE NEWS last week, I want to share some of the following changes for both me and for my business:


- Honesty and authenticity always win. I was completely overwhelmed and filled with love at the response to last week's big news. You all are the reason why I do what I do. Your stories and your willingness to allow me to capture them breathe life into these lungs and fill me in a way I could never put into words. I need to share my story in the hopes that you feel comfortable letting me tell yours too. Or even better: let's share yours together. I'll take the photos, you bring the ice cream. I promise this blog won't turn into the Xanga blog I had freshman year of college. It will be better :) Big things are in store over here... and trust me, they're going to knock your socks off. But hopefully they're already off because kids, it's finally summer in the city!


- Run every day. Not only do I feel better, but I need to. I know it's sort of a huge nerdy thing, but by a stroke of luck and blessing, I got into the Twin Cities 10 Mile in October. A race I've wanted desperately to run since last year when I crossed the 10K finish line only to realize those big shiny medals were for the 10 milers and the marathoners. But before then? Half marathon in August. Better start pounding that pavement! Who's with me? 


- Keep breathing. Keep swimming. Keep stopping and noticing things. Like how the light streams through my window in the morning at just the perfect balance of time between "restful sleep" and "oversleeping." And guess what? I have an internal alarm clock. Unless there's a need to set one, I'll hope to never wake up to an annoying beep again. Or even better, I'll wake up thankful and grateful to have another day, instead of dreading it. 


- In this new phase of life, I'm learning to give a hearty "yes" to adventure and breathe deeply. In one week, I've seen my big dream come true, I traveled to Wisconsin and back, loved on two kiddos that steal my heart every time I see them, sang at the top of my lungs with the windows down, walked around with a coffee in one hand and a smile in the other and had a leisurely dinner with one of my besties. And yes, I use the word bestie. A lot. 


All this being said, I'm leaving on a jet plane. Again! This time for a much-needed family vacation to the southwest. Packing only bathing suits, books and expecting to continue that breathe-deeply thing. I'll be "out of the office" until June 13.


Most important thing to remember: when all else fails, just eat cake. 


xoxo,
syd.
sydnee@sydneebickett.com

THE BIG HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT: personal

June 17, 2007: I shot my first wedding. As in, a bride and a groom hired me to document the most important day of their life together. I remember this day like it was two seconds ago: sitting in a Caribou Coffee in Bloomington, across from two friends from high school and they looked at each other, looked at me and said "well, as long as you'll be there shooting for fun, why don't we just pay you?"

My jaw dropped. I've never really won anything in my life, but this felt like the feeling you'd probably get if you realized you won the lottery. They were asking me to do this big huge important job? A "job" I already was going to do for the pure fun and love of doing it.

Without hesitation, I said yes.

And really, my life has never been the same since.

It's without hesitation again that I'm saying YES to the biggest decision I've ever made yet in these twenty-six years.

I'm saying YES to leaving a world of cubicles, 8-5 hours and business suits.

I'm saying YES to living my dream of being a real life, full time professional photographer starting NOW!!!!!!

[insert about a billion cartwheels, high-fives, gigantic vertical jumps and smiles so big even your gums hurt]

Now, let it be known that this is not a decision I've entered into lightly. I've prepared, I've planned, I've financially planned... but all of that aside? I've been dreaming. A lot. I've held onto this "secret" for about the last few months and slowly but surely, enacting plans to make things happen. But the journey isn't over. It's only just beginning! There are a lot of stories and sessions left to share, a brand new look to this bizz and you. You all are the key to making this dream soar.

This secret is one that has been met with the most amazing butterflies and encouragement from everyone I share it with. To all of those people whose eyes lit up and a big smile spread across their face when I heard them say "well, it's about time!" or "we are so proud of you!" or "this is your dream and now you're going to chase it 24/7!" I want to say thank you.

Thank you a million times over for every hug, every encouraging email, every countdown reminder... your endless support and love has propelled me to confidence that this is, in fact, the right choice. You are all a part of Team Syd. Thanks for cheering me on.

A few people have asked me if I was nervous about making the transition, if it was a smart choice in this economy or if I did in fact have enough business to sustain myself. My answer was a never-wavering, ever-constant: "Why would I be nervous about doing something I was born to do?"

God put this dream in my heart a long long time ago, maybe even before 2007 but it's taken me this long (and He's been working even longer!) to realize it. To trust. To have faith. To really truly know. And it's with this confidence that I'm moving forward, in faith and with Team Syd behind me cheering me on.

And there's no place I'd rather be. Thank you.

xoxo,
syd.
sydnee@sydneebickett.com

ps. Thank you to the lovely Maria for snapping these crazy shots of me a few weeks ago in Nevada. Thank you for believing in me since 2009 and keeping me accountable to this dream. Your new Team Syd t-shirt is in the mail soon, along with one for Ian and doggy shirts for the girls too :)

twenty-two : personal

Twenty-two years ago, I wished for a sister. I got a brother instead. 

We took you home to stay on Mother's Day and Mom always said that that day was one of the best of her life: our family was complete. Husband, daughter, son. Four. The ever-fabulous four.

I tried as hard as I could, dressing you in bows and pink frilly things meant for my playtime dolls, but you were still all boy. Mom said you'd get me back someday and you did. A lot. She always reminded us that we should never go to bed angry at each other, that someday, all we would have would be each other. At the time, I was totally bummed because I never would get that sister I had hoped for. But now? I'm completely thankful every day you turned out to be you instead. 

Even if I was (and still am!) the big sis, you've always amazed me with your ability to include me and really, look out for me. When I was too scaredy cat to sleep downstairs alone, you said it was okay for me to sleep on the bottom bunk upstairs in your room. We played together, made silly games out of pushing Danny down the metal slide on the swing set and rode bikes together (only to the fire hydrant and back!). You always included me in your birthday party guest list and thanked me during high school plays and coronations. 

There's no one else I'd rather walk through this journey with than you - no one I'd rather turn to for a comedic remark, an encouraging text, a "you got this, Syd." Our support of each other's dreams pushes us to be the best we can be.

Your dreams are coming true. You're totally making it and taking the world by storm. From your athletic prowess to your dedication to fitness to your political arguments to your sportswriting skills, you've got what it takes to make things happen. Watching you grow from a little dude who only wanted to wear matching sweat suits with dinosaur light-up shoes to a pre-teen in the cutest wire-rimmed glasses you ever saw (Harry Potter, eat your heart out) to this high school athlete who suddenly was a foot taller than me and had to put his head on my head when he hugged me has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.

Our parents taught us to persevere through challenges, to walk the walk and live out our faith daily. There have been several times in our lives when these lessons came in handy and none more evident than last fall. You faced one of the hardest challenges you'll probably ever face and you did it with this grace that only God could have given you. You witnessed to your friends, to your classmates, to people who didn't even know you... to us. I know Ricky is so proud of you, buddy. You've honored him in the way you've continued to succeed, to push through the challenges and to now graduate with honors. There's not a doubt in my mind that he'll continue to be watching you, reminding you to stay strong and probably have a little fun once in a while too.

I realize this post is a few days late, but you've always on my heart and in my mind. I am so proud of this grown up man you've become and I can't wait to see where the rest of your journey leads you. 

Go big or go home. Thanks for putting the A in awesome and remember that your big-little sis always loves you.

xoxo,

syd.

sydnee@sydneebickett.com

Viva ... Nevada?

I'll be "out of the office" until Sunday on a much-needed vacation to Las Vegas more like the Desert, photographing my little heart out and spending time with the fabulous Maria. 

And okay okay, maybe I'll go look at the Vegas Strip too :)

Follow my adventures on Instagram, username sydneebickett.

xoxo,

syd.

sydnee@sydneebickett.com

2012: This is Your Year

I have a confession to make: I've been keeping you all out of the loop. I've been lax in my posting, lax in my honesty and authenticity.

So here I go, making a 1/4th of the way through 2012 resolution - starting now, I'm going to be real on this blog. I know it's photography based, business based, YOUR story based. But I can't hide from the fact that your stories affect me. Your laughs and smiles and voices affect me deep down in my core. I leave every session with this mammoth smile on my face, rushing home (okay, I speed, how's that for honesty?) to load your images on the computer because I just can't wait to see more of the magic that we made together. 

But in order to be a better photographer, a better business woman, a better woman in general, I have to tell you my stories too. There is nothing better in life than a reciprocal relationship - one where you give just as much as I do and vice versa. 

There's a lot on my plate for the rest of 2012, but in order for you to understand where we're going, I need to catch up a little bit first. Are you ready?

Fear faced: I went running. In shorts. Outside. People saw. I ran faster. Record time!

Family: we drove 10 hours to Deadwood, South Dakota to witness a marriage that to this moment, still has me on my knees thanking Jesus for allowing me to witness that promise. And we saw Mt. Rushmore. Looks a little smaller when you're about 18 years older but still, truly majestic. The 3 full days I spent with my three favorite people ever are 3 days I pray I won't forget or ever take for granted.

The Plan: God revealed a little bit more about the person He wants me to be: a motivator. So sure, I make signs to encourage my friends and I post them on Instagram. For all you ladies and gents out there that need a little push, this sign's for you too.

Another fear faced: as part of my half marathon training, I ran 10 miles. For fun. I did not collapse. No one was chasing me. I did not die. I thrived. My knee didn't cramp up, I didn't get a mammoth side ache. I lived. And then, I kind of wanted to do it again. 

Friends: reciprocal relationships take work. Oh gosh, they take work. They take understanding and love and compassion and respect. And really, a whole lotta communication. Marissa is that person for me. You'll be seeing her soon on this blog, but really, you should watch out world. Because she's going to be doing some real big things. And you're going to wish you could call her your bestie. I'm grateful everyday because I can.

Commitment: Easter Sunday is one of my favorite days of the whole year. This year was no different. I felt God's calling stronger and more evident than ever before (more on this later!). The best part? We had a chocolate fondue fountain at the youth breakfast. Even better? My baby brother ditched our Mom and sat by me during worship. Best. Easter. Ever.

--

So there it is. A little catch up. There's a lot more coming this way. Big changes, big life-changing sorts of things. But all in all, I've learned over the last few months this one simple truth (courtesy of the beautiful ladies of Making Things Happen):

Honesty and Authenticity Always Win.

I know I've made this my mantra... will you make it yours?

xoxo,

syd.

sydnee@sydneebickett.com

a love letter: personal

[We always joke about being too behind to send Christmas cards and "oh, we'll just send a Valentine's Day card!" Yet again, we didn't get around to it this year. So instead, I decided to write a sort of re-cap of 2011.

Dear Mom & Dad, you might want to get a kleenex. Little bro, sorry for the sap.]

About a half dozen years ago, Mom and I were shopping for some nondescript items at a Hallmark store and came across a little canvas that read:

:: Our family is about remembering what matters, letting go of what doesn't, laughing, loving, and knowing life is good because we have each other ::

We loved it so much, we bought it. I did some fancy (novice at the time) photoshop work and super-imposed it over our Christmas card. I know, I was such a trendsetter. But, it was a hit. Now the canvas hangs in our house and coincidentally, finds its way into the background of a lot of family holiday photos.

Long story short: this little saying has proven itself day in and day out in 2011. It seemed at times like life was kicking us when we were down and we could barely come up for air. Moments when we got the wind knocked out of us and we were unsure if light would come the next morning.

But God always pulled us out and revived us. The sun always rose again and life kept on.

And remarkably, we kept on with it. The four of us together. In the hardest times, we clung to each other, knowing that no one else knew our struggles as well as we did. We loved each other so hard it hurt.

I read not that long ago the story of a family mourning the loss of their son. The father wrote this beautiful passage about how vital it is for the core members of a family to be in tune with each other and physically together in mourning, not letting outsiders in. This way, the loss can be felt just as clearly and beautifully as when the son was first born. The core group surrounded one another and welcomed this little life into the world and now, in the same way, they must usher it out in love.

2011 did not bring this sort of tragedy, but it brought challenges in other forms. And still, when the challenge arose, the four of us looked at each other for a sense of peace and a reminder that yes, we must continue to trust that the light will come in the morning.

And it always did. The light found us huddled together, remembering that we have each other and life was good again.
















2012 has already proven itself to be good to us all professionally and personally. And we are prayerful that this trend continues. We remember to laugh every day. To cherish the little moments we're together and the moments we are apart.

The beautiful part of being a member of a close-knit family is that the other people know you better than you know yourself. When you are chest-deep in struggle and hardship, there are three people who are ready and waiting to help dig you out when you can't seem to find your own shovel.

I am really thankful every day that there are three people who know where we keep the shovels.

xoxo,
syd.
sydnee@sydneebickett.com

the year of the runner: personal

2011 began with stepping onto a treadmill for the first time EVER and resolving to finally, once and for all, get healthy. If my grandparents could embark on a new, thinner phase of life at 70+, I could as a twenty-something. So there I was, not really sure what I was getting into, but my brother assured that "a 5K is only 3 miles, Syd, you could totally do that."

So I started out slowly, then increasing speed and time week by week until a week before the first 5K in June. Having never run outside before, I decided I should probably test out the environment so I ran 3+ miles around my neighborhood two nights before the race in a record-breaking 50 minutes. When I finished, I felt so accomplished! I knew I could do the race then, it might just take me a while. My brother (in all his athletic prowess) assured me that "you'll totally surprise yourself, you'll probably get like 30 minutes." Yeah. Right.

Walking up to the starting line, I was so nervous! All these people around me, looking like pros, and then there's me. Yikes. So the starting gun goes off and we're starting! We're running! Eeek! Before I know it, I'm rounding the second mile and thinking, "what the heck, how long have I been out here for? It feels like we just started!" I get closer and closer to the end and glance at the time clock - 33 minutes. WHAT?! I couldn't believe it. Crossed the finish line at 34 minutes exactly - and the adrenaline rush? Wow. I decided right there and then that this would not be the last time I crossed a finish line.

I proceeded to research 5Ks around the Mpls/St. Paul area and signed up for a race every month until October 2011. 7 races, most of which benefitted a local non-profit. Sweet! At the end of each race, my time was progressively better than the time before. I can't seem to break 30 minutes, but that's what 2012 resolutions are for ;)

Every time I laced up my sneakers, I felt that adrenaline rush and running became "my thing" in 2011. I'm not sure if it was the satisfaction of making a goal and achieving it or the neighbor down the street who yelled "dang girl! You be looking finer than Beyonce by the end of summer!" every time I passed his house (okay, creepy, but motivating, right?!), but there wasn't a night that went by that I didn't run.

I ran alone, with people, with music, without. In rain, wind, heat, humidity and a little fall breeze too. I accomplished my goal (and then some!) and I am a better woman, daughter, sister, friend and photographer because of it.

Let's all cross our fingers collectively that 2012 brings a half-marathon medal :)

Races:

HeartBeat 5000 - June 2011

American Cancer Society - August 2011

Torchlight 5K - August 2011 (should have been in July - rescheduled due to HEAT!)

Harmon Trails 5 mile - September 2011

Twin Cities 10K - October 2011

Runnin' with the Law - October 2011

Monster Dash - October 2011 - this medal doesn't count ;) 

Grandpa: personal

Dear Grandpa,

You know how people always remember loved ones who have passed on, saying things like "it feels like just yesterday they were here." I know what they mean now. I know how it feels like in an instant I went from a 13 year old who loved on you every second I had and now I'm 25 and hoping I've made you proud.  I know now what it feels like to see your family try and pick up the pieces after the one who held us together is gone. I know too, how it feels to see that family celebrate when we added a family member just a few months ago and after all the weather guys said "rain rain rain," the sun burst forth and everybody got sunburned sitting there at the park, watching Kayla and Andrew get married. And I know that all of us knew you had a little something to do with that.

You always had that way about you, convincing people to do things like let you into Disneyland campground when you didn't have a reservation or telling me to just eat the peas because they were good for me. All you had to do was smile, just keep smiling.

I remember the week I spent with you and Grandma and Aunt Nell instead of going back to finish up the last week of seventh grade. That was probably the first grown-up decision I ever made and I could tell you were really glad I made it. Even though you were in the hospital then, I spent as much time as I could with you, just holding your hand or watching you, trying to embed images of you in my head so I would never forget.

And I haven't. Every single day I think about you and laugh, knowing you're probably up there telling Jesus all these tall tales and silly jokes. For a few years after you left, I kept hoping you'd be around the corner, or pull up into the driveway and tell me just one more. I know someday, I'll hear one again and give you just one more giggly eye-roll.

I keep this image on my phone, on my computer, on my dresser just so I can see you every day. Your leaving us taught me the power behind images - that they really do have the capability to invoke feeling and memories. Losing you made me (and Spenser and Ryan and Kayla and Sarah) all grow up a little bit faster, knowing we had a job to do: keep you alive for the rest of us. And I think we have. Your smiling face in this photo makes me want to create those memories for other people's families. Spens and Ry have our name tattooed on them and Kayla and Sarah? You would be so proud of the women they are growing up to be.

The week you left us, most of us had lunch at this buffet and my fortune was something along the tune of: your family will become closer. Something about bonding a family or remembering a family. I burst into tears right there and then and knew you were still with us.

You're always here with us, sometimes in a big way like a sunny wedding day, but sometimes in a little way like the way my Daddy tells those corny jokes and I roll my eyes at him.

I am so proud to call you ours and know you would be so proud of me, of all of us. So proud of how we've all grown up and graduated high school and gone to college and gotten real jobs and followed our dreams. We're hopeful for the future but always keeping you in our hearts, knowing you're the one that holds us all together.

I love you forever,
sydnee re.